Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Following
I remember it was around last year this time that one such visitor contacted me after having been accepted onto the Rihla 2007 having read a post I’d done about it the previous year. She is an example of the kind of visitation the blog receives. I think she had just unexpectedly arrived at the web address some time ago and left a comment on one entry.
The blogs I like to read, or at least ‘visit’ and browse are generally by people abroad. They know all too well that they type and publish faster than I read! In comparison my space has had more quieter periods in these 3 years. Perhaps this has resulted in losing the interest of some visitors? I am unsure.
However, I am always encouraged by the patience that readers demonstrate. In an era where things are happening faster than we can process them, I am surprised that people still visit my blog to check for updates. Maybe some people have RSS feeds to this site? (I am not really clued up with how RSS feeds work).
This is the reason why I decided to ask for typing assistance [keep them in your prayers]. The few people who have been so patient with me have motivated me to do something practical about the drafts I have hand-written in the many months. Sometimes I have wondered whether I should close the blog and call it a day, but then I receive a comment or email by a stranger telling me how useful they have found something I’ve written… and I use that to keep high the momentum.
I know that I can never compete with the regular bloggers who update their blogs daily, and sometimes a couple of times a day. But then, my aim is never to compete; it is simply to share a few thoughts. Someone researching the Muslim female artists for her thesis asked me recently about the future of my blog:
It is my hope that in the fast-paced cyber-world we live in, if someone decides to stop by for a read - then I want them to leave being happy with what they find.
The updates which will follow soon have been dedicated to all those who have patiently waited for them -
Hand-Written 08/05/08 (am)
words continue here
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Three Years Later…
The intention of this write-up was to share my life and how things have changed in these 3 years: and that's what I had proposed in my mind this morning. As I started to type this evening, my blog changed and ended up 90% different to what I had thought about this morn. So I guess I will be back quite soon to type what I had mentally prepared for you all :-)
The date is 18th February 2005; it’s Friday. I am teaching a group of adults in the centre of my city at a building site where many individuals recovering from mental illness access services and courses.
I am the only person who wears a headscarf and constitute about 8% of the BME staff here. I’ve been here for a few years; hated this place when I first started. Actually when I first applied for this job one chilling winter, I was rejected on the spot at the interview. Never mind I thought; I got a contract to teach elsewhere. Six months later when the organisation were re-recruiting, they telephoned me and asked if I was still interested. ‘Yeah right’ I thought?! I was preparing a trip to Pakistan that summer and remember being asked for another interview: so much was going on so I thought I’d just pop-by and see what they had to say. It was a hectic week that heated July and I dropped off some exam material and marked papers at the college I was contracted by. As I hugged my manager goodbye for summer, I told her that I had to dash to that place. She asked me if I would take the job, I replied no and we both chuckled at how fate had brought this opportunity round again.
I returned from Pakistan and began that job a day before September 11th 2001.
It was not a full-time position; I hated full-time work. I happily managed to juggle it with my job at the college and felt content that I was cleverly able to keep away from the red tape that exists in the education field.
We’ve had lunch and I go back to the class. I am wearing a bandage on my right wrist: have been doing so for a day or so as my wrist was hurting a little bit. Luckily this is half-term week and I wasn’t working at my other job at the college for most part of the week; just here today. Yesterday I was delivering a workshop at one of the local universities. It was an art workshop. Many student Islamic Societies tend to contact me with regards having art stalls. I tend to paint calligraphic designs onto glass frames and sell them to raise funds for a charity project I am working on. I have this amazing vision that it would be so grand for lots of people to support a single cause and for that reason the prices I sell my work for is very cheap: a few pounds for an average 6” X 4” frame. I’m not too bothered at the moment about developing my work as an artist: the creativity helps me and that’s sufficient for now, no need to worry about developing myself as an artist too much for now I think. I’ve raised over £2000 for the project I have in mind and have about another third to go. I get paid a decent income so I hardly care about the prices.
I am also hoping to raise funds for the purchase of some baby equipment at the local maternity hospital, and for this reason I have been trying to launch a ‘Catalogue’ which will allow me to reach out to a wider audience. I am hoping to include the photography I did in Granada in that catalogue. The photos were exhibited about 3 months ago at an exhibition I organised in this city. So much is going on; I need to contact my website designer Shaeed to ask if the site will be ready for launch next week or not. The website is up and running but it’s a new page and gallery he is setting up for me. There’s loads of queries I need to answer. My new manager at the college is asking me where he should send a cheque to support my work. I need to email him my postal address at some point. Work have been great with everything. Most of my colleagues in both organisations are not Muslim. But they have been there ever since my creative phenomena emerged in 2001. They helped me with feedback regards my website design and layout, proofreading the content on there, looking through various domain names for me: we settled with “tranquilart” after going through so many names. And I think the 20 or so people who were regularly bombarded with emails for domain names are perhaps now relieved that we have finally got a name!
The afternoon session is progressing well; we’re in an IT room and the group members are learning to empower their being by controlling these machines. The ability to learn to operate a machine when one is feeling very low in esteem or confidence has been cited by some as a way of attaining control, power and focus. I have certainly seen that many people feel a sense of achievement when they can use a computer. Most of my students are dosed with medication of all sorts. We call them ‘clients’ aswell as students. I have seen many kinds of clients whilst being in this building: people with depression and anxiety disorders are very common as too are those with Schizophrenia. I’ve seen women who have postnatal depression and individuals who are recovering from bereavement. I’ve seen victims of abuse and met some who were doing their PhDs before they became psychotic. But my world really changed the year I met some young people under 20 who had their first psychotic episode as post school-leavers. It was also at this time that I met individuals who were caught for petty crimes as teenagers and sent to prison, just to become entrenched in the cycle of depression. Actually I have now met a handful of men under 25 who are here from probation services.
I also was surprised to bump into a school friend the other month who is ‘mentally unwell’ now and will soon be joining us for some courses or training. Most people I work with are white ethnically, although I have had a sprinkle of clients who are not. There were a handful of Muslims I taught here: a couple of converts aswell. Life is so fragile. The history of mental health in the UK is interesting. It is also interesting to know about the Mental Health Asylum in this city and what happened when it closed. What happened to the clients?
The pain in my right hand is actually getting quite bad now.
I notify my manager that I may need a Paracetamol to control the pain; especially if I am to complete my class. My line manager is great. We all get on like a house on fire in this department. We have had a fair amount of the people-politics but we also do the usual things any team does: sharing problems, shopping tips, holiday tips, cooking tips, the annual Christmas lunch, and oh a reminder to bring in cakes for your own birthday! My line manager is shocked: she knows how I very rarely take medication for things. Actually, I am very rarely off work. I only ever had a couple of days off work due to sickness: a migraine that lasted until the next day and so I couldn’t get into work. I took a few days off work when my grandmother passed away about 3 years ago for compassionate leave and then 2 years ago I had a chunk off for Hajj. I remember when I came back from hajj, I had an awful tummy-ache at work and she said I was bound to pick up bugs from my trip. After vomiting my morning break, she kindly put me in her car and dropped me off home. She knows about my ‘detox plans’ and that I hardly ever take pills. She got me Paracetamol from the other department as we don’t keep it here for health and safety reasons. My colleagues are surprised that I am resorting to this. Finally I complete teaching my class and they wish me well as I head home.
I am able to make an appointment for Monday to see my doctor. My my, it’s gonna be a tough weekend I think. And yes it is. The weekend is awful. I have had more paracetamols this weekend than perhaps in the last year or two.
Monday 21st February 2005 I am signed off work for a week…
Life is fragile - extremely.
Peace & Prayers x x x x x
Labels: Reflection
words continue here
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
As the year ends..
As the year comes to an end2007 first and then 1428
I realise I've reached the top of this Hill
'Hill Difficulty' as Helen Keller once put it
Except for that I am not climbing up it -
But rather walking down
Though I just said am on the top..
Actually you can say am coming down the Mount
I've been successful
Praise to God Most High
Just that the harder bit was towards the end
Before my feet touched the ground
For most part I slid smoothly down
And now I reach my next Peak:
2008 or 1429
Another climb that awaits.
During this blessed season, and as the year draws to an end, I'd like to wish everyone prayers of Peace, Joy and Wellbeing.Eid & Hajj Greetings.
I want to say thanks to everyone for enquiring regards my health and apologise for not updating folk as I should. I have experienced a good spell of it since Ramadan and it's great to be able to have that after a long period. I am taking a homeopathic remedy which has helped my condition. The last trip to the consultant was about 2 months ago and all is well. Despite having experienced a greater amount of pain in my elbows and wrists this year [due to the damp weather] it is not significant enough to start any conventional pain-reducing treatment. All tests indicate that things are actually quite nice and in good working order inside this physical body of mine! Alhamdulila. All Praises are for God Almighty. There is no real explanation for the pain bar the arthritic episode which occurred in 2005.
There was, and still is no clear habit for the pain. Although I have noticed a little bit of a pattern this year, I am still unsure when the pain will start. There is a cycle of pain and fatigue with varying levels of motivational energy which surrounds my world. Each episode lasts for an undefined term and then goes away. I am unsure what phase is worse: the fatigue phase or the painful one? Or the one wherein I lack motivation or zest? The fatigue has lead to constant naps during daylight hours and the painful one; waking mid-way through my nightly sleep thinking someone is cutting my wrist.Yep - ever since 2005 that is how my wrist feels in it's 'painful' state: that it is being sawed off.
But it is with extreme happiness and gratitude that I announce the following:
"Currently I am in none of the above."
Recognising limitations and modifying lifestyle is the advice or Treatment Plan I have been offered by my consultant and I have agreed. I believe it will be a boon for me.
My thanks to all readers: friends and foe for taking time to share my world. It is my firm belief that the prayers of the many silent readers, well-wishers and friends give me the strength to continue to move forward. Yes, I really do believe this. When I see myself 'back on my feet' doing 'stuff' I think about the supportive words of the wonderful people I am fortunate to have interacted with: be it in cyber-world, real-world or the world of telecommunications. For me those supportive words have been the key to recovery [whatever that means]. The many gentle, and sometimes forceful reminders from you all have transformed my view of this health crisis into a state of empowerment and self-development. Honest. I know my health will seldom ever be the way it was a few years ago - but I am happy with that now.There are many things I wanted to blog about this year but it just never happened. I am learning all the while and the processing of this often takes a lot longer than I would like to have it. I continue to jot down thoughts in the hope that some day very soon I will blog it all out. Who knows when that will be?
Thanks also to the patience of those who await a reply to correspondence [email, text, comment here or letter]. You remain in my thoughts: in a nice little space kept well just for you.
In 2005 and 2006 I did a summary of my blogs, keeping with this Tradition here is 2007 in a few sentences :-)
2006 was quite a year, then we started 2007. A death followed by a caravan in the quietness of the 2 year mark and the arrival of the Sacred Birth. The disturbing moon made me serious about mentoring so that I got seriously blogging The Noble Man From Zaytuna despite the Rain. A trip to the shops to buy me some Prayer Beans which is exactly what I needed after the Disturbing Comments. I sought my Spiritual Friends and the Noble Man returned. Autumn arrived as too did my RSI Concerns as I bid farewell to the Old Friend who left me a few Bracelets.Peace & Prayers
Bint-eh Adam
x x x x x x x
The images are my gardening attempts this year.. ahem :-)
Labels: 2007
words continue here
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Bracelets and things...
It may be something really little to people, but for me: it is an act hidden in a bigger realisation: that there is a force.. far bigger than you and I.. a force which dictates even small things like whether one can wear jewellery without irritation and discomfort. If we begin to thank God Almighty for these small things that He allows us to do in life, we will learn the art of becoming grateful servants to a Master who has adorned our lives with many gems, pearls and treasures of varying measure.
It reminded me of the following email I was sent a long time ago.
Should you...
Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight;Just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in.
Should you find yourself stuck in traffic; don't despair.
There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work;
Think of the man who has been out of work for the last three months.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad;
Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend;
Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, for $15.00 to feed her family.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance;
Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror;
Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking 'what is my purpose ';
Be thankful, there are those who didn'tlive long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities;
Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!
Now, I await the day that my hands will be ready to wear henna.. for in these last 3 years they have taken to disliking the coldness of this mixture that women all over the world cherish. Let me wait and see.
Labels: gratitude
words continue here
Friday, October 12, 2007
Goodbye Ramadan
For some unusual reason this was one of the Ramadans after a very
long time that actually had more day-light hours than twilight. As the next years will roll in we shall see the cycle of Ramadan becoming more apparant in the Summer season: less time for night prayer, greater time for daylight fasting and abstination. Perhaps in this is a lesson for us all?Fasting: keeping away; but at the same time drawing closer to.
What do we keep away from?
And what do we draw closer to?
These are two pertinent questions for anyone wishing to do a reflective exercise on their practise. Individually we need to ask ourselves how we decided to answer these questions and what were the lessons learnt, any drawbacks, or barriers which sneaked our way.
It i
s also important that a few weeks later, once Ramadan is a bygone memory, one makes a list of all the positive things that have happened since Ramadan. For sure we hear that this is a Month of openings, realisations and the unfolding of secrets for our wellbeing.. so why not make a physical acknowledgement of all those specialities? We shall find that the manual process of making such a list will enable a stronger recognition of the grandness of this Guest. And who knows, hopefully it will teach us to look forward to greeting it again next year with a greater yearning and love.For me, the Balance Sheets are totally out of place. I put in very little this Ramadan, but managed to receive so much more. Perhaps that is why God is the Creator and I am a mere mortal? A lump of flesh in the vastness of His creation? It is at times like this that one has to acknowledge that this must be a Month of Mercy.
Before I end, I would like for you all to forgive me for the many times I am unable to reply promptly to emails, text messages, calls and comments. And forgive me for not updating this blog as much as you and I would like. I promise I have been drafting away in my jotter and someday soon will type up those blog entries!
I would also like a prayer for all those who have been affected by any sadness during this Month of Ramadan. May God Almighty give everyone the solace to continue their journeys to Him.
And finally, it is my belief that we can keep the spirit of Ramadan alive every day for the next 11 months. By living out what this Guest has taught us we shall realise that Ramadan never left us in the first place. Wishing you all an accepted Ramadan.
Until next time, goodbye my dear friend :)
Peace & Prayers
x x x x x x x x
A Must-Read by the Noble Man of Zaytuna:
Face To Faith
words continue here
Monday, September 17, 2007
RSI Concerns
Ina Lila Hi Wa Ina Ilai Hi Rajeun!
Please dear people, can you "keep it real" at work and not go overboard with your limbs?!!
I love you all for the sake of Allah Almighty and pray that He keeps you well and in good health.. but partially the over-earnestness with technology or the shyness at not approaching the employer is a contributing factor for not seeking medical help urgently! People feel they MUST do everything in whatever condition they are in. That is so wrong!
In these last 2.5years I've known up to ten people who have had period of sick-leave due to RSI !!!!!!!
WHAT'S HAPPENIN!!!!!???????!
Here are 10 pointers I advise those who are experiencing pain:
1. Don't assume it is RSI and will 'go away' if you rest from the PC for a day. There are many conditions within the RSI umbrella and some require specific tests for diagnosis: CLICK HERE
2. Get to a GP and "stamp your feet" if they try to dismiss you with cheap painkillers. [Sorries dear GPs - but admit it; sometimes that is what you do].
3. For persistent pain and especially if it is affecting the neck, shoulder and back alongside the hand and fingers - get some further tests done.
Some tests to request:
- nerve conduction
- X-rays
- bloods
4. Your employer has a 'Duty of Care' and should be looking after your specific needs at work. You are within your rights to ask for alterations to your desktop.
Some alterations are:
- getting rid of mouse and purchasing a Pen / Tablet set
- not using the laptop for prolonged durations of typing
- purchase of an ergonomic keyboard
- having sufficient change in activity between PC work and other duties
- ensuring all other H&S requirements are met eg chair, distance etc
5. Adding an Autoresponder on email accounts where a lot of mail is received.
6. Splints for hand support: again it depends upon what your diagnosis is.
7. Physiotherapy request.
8. Managing pain with hot or cold ie ice-packs or warm oil [whatever suits your body needs]. Olive oil is extremely beneficial.
9. Reading Fatiha on affected parts.
10. Taking it easy. Literally.
I guess we are one of the first bunch of people to be affected by technology in such an extreme way. But that shouldn't stop us from using our common sense and exploring methods to manage our condition before it becomes quite severe and we have to add further tests to that list above!
Seriously, think hard at the reasons why you are not doing anything concrete about your wellbeing and try your utmost to address the obstacles immediately.
Some people have been experiencing pain for months without even realising they are in pain. Why are we acting so numb?
I am fortunate in many ways that the onset of my pain was immediate and within a few days it forced me to see a GP because of the distress. But there really is NO excuse for the laziness people. Be grateful that you have a health service which is so readily available.
All the best. I may post this onto my blog too.
Wasalam, duas and love
This post appeared on DP first. Since then, I have a few thoughts..
I have been thinking about why I have been so worked up about this whole thing.One of the reasons I gathered today is because I have been ever so fortunate to have had the support from people during my period of sickness. I blogged this a while ago.
Seriously, I am so lucky.
Lucky for what?
For the masses of support I have received from people: friends, family, strangers..
I guess deep down a little part of me says:
I wonder if others affected by ill-health will receive the kind of love and kindness that I have?
I wonder if they will have individuals in their life who offer them pearls of wisdom to help them understand how this situation relates to the wider scheme of things in creation?
I wonder if someone will call them everyday to remind them of the many skills they have and the multitude of qualities they possess?
I wonder if there will be someone to reassure them of the good deeds they have done and how God Almighty would never let His people down?
I wonder if they will come to realise that in essence, man has been created in an amazingly striking fashion and that every misfortune or sad happening is a channel to draw closer in understanding one's essential nature as a vicegerent of the Creator?
Or instead will they lose hope?
Would they fail to recognise their condition as a sign of His lightening of their accounts?
Would they decipher the pangs of pain as punishment for their misdeeds?
Would they curse the gift of life?
I can only wish and pray that anyone affected by RSI or anything for that matter, will receive the multitude of angels that I have received. And gain deep insights about the creation we are part of.. and the Creator to whom all returns.
I know that God Almighty will look after everyone and only give us all what He deems best for us at that moment in time. I have full faith in His Care for us all. However, these were some thoughts I wanted to share for as I said before: Love you all.
Related Entries:
Mental Health terminology
Who has the real disability?
How Sure let me down
Rethinking Disability
Labels: RSI
words continue here
Thursday, August 02, 2007
The Noble Man From Zaytuna - continued..
- KK said...
-
WE WANT TO SEE A PART 2 OF THIS ASAP!! SubhanAllah! Keep up the good writing :)
- Anonymous said...
-
Part two! Part two! Part two! PLEASE! If you have gone to the Rihla, then we expect a part for each day at the Rihla :)
Amazingly, now the lessons that we sat in, in Jeddah are available for ordering :-)
So, anyone who wants to know what happened henceforth, you must purchase a set of these fine CDs and listen for yourself. Sit and listen to what our beloved Noble Man from Zaytuna said to us exactly a year ago..
For those of you who have been my long-time supporters and well-wishers throughout my period of ill-health - think for yourself what sitting in these sessions must have done for me and is still doing for me. Myself and fellow Rihla buddies recently reviewed the notes we made in these sessions and I was overwhelmed at how fragile a learner I am. What my being encountered whilst sitting in these sessions was beyond words. And for those of you who know me well enough, you will soon come to realise why I stopped blogging where I did in my entry. This CD set is an amazing tool for anyone who wants to move from point a to point b in their life. It is greatly empowering aswell as informing of where, what and how we are.
God bless Shaykh Hamza Yusuf with health, prosperity and the guidance so he continues to be the torch for us all. Ameen.
PURCHASE HERE:
UK - roots distribution
USA - alhambra productions
The Alchemy of Happiness
By: Shaykh Hamza Yusuf
5 CD Set Gift Box
In this 5 CD set, Hamza Yusuf discusses the causes of unhappiness in this world, according to Imam al-Ghazali, and gives us the guidelines to obtain inward contentment.
This amazing class was taught at the Rihla 2006 program (Makkah/Madina/Jeddah)
Come and follow this journey with me:
It is August 4th 2006, I am sitting in the lesson in Jeddah...
Labels: Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, Zaytuna
words continue here
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Seeking My Spiritual Friends
because of isolation,
if you go beneath
the shadow of a spiritual friend
you will become a shining star.
Imam Rumi.
Mathnawi
Please remember me in your prayers.
Much love and peace
yours x x x x
words continue here
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Disturbing Comments
About six weeks ago, whilst many people were posting kind thoughts about my ‘Noble Man’ entry, I received two comments which were not so kind. A pair which left me feeling tearful for a few weeks.
St Valentines has left a new comment on your post "The Noble Man From Zaytuna":
Honestly woman, get a grip of yourself. You're practically worshipping HY, maybe you should just ask for his rishta instead of seeming like a desperate ''number one fan.'' You seem like a fanatical HY stalker, I hope your husband one day gets out a miswaak to give you a good bashing with.
Posted by St Valentines to tranquilart at Tuesday, May 08, 2007 2:25:00 PM
Curious Muslim has left a new comment on your post "The Noble Man From Zaytuna":
Zaytuna institute - The place where dreams come true :) The place where we rip you off and hang you out to dry for sacred knowledge ;)
Posted by Curious Muslim to tranquilart at Tuesday, May 08, 2007 2:30:00 PM
I do have a heart, and within it are chambers which ‘feel’.
At the time, I was so upset, confused and angry that my immediate reaction was to ‘moderate comments’. Never before have I had to moderate what comments have been left. Of course with the exception of a few spammers, all who have commented on my blog have been most welcome “Ahlan Wa Sahlan!” I shout in cyberspace.
Come, come, whoever you are
Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving
It doesn’t matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vows
a thousand times,
Come, yet again,
Come, come.
RUMI
For almost three years I have been blogging and although there are a ‘regular’ few who comment, most of my comments are from individuals who chance upon the read. I am accustomed to receiving comments from strangers, in fact in the last 2 years I have received a wealth of emails from people who have read the blog but shied away from commenting so publicly. And as I have said before, it is only due to the positive feedback that I continue to find motivation to blog.
So let’s get back to these comments then.
After discussing the comments with well-wishers I came to receive a lot of support and words of comfort, metaphors for the relationships that exist in blogosphere, aswell as the dynamic transformation that communication is currently undergoing.
Everything made perfect sense.
However I still felt very perturbed, tearful and saddened by the comments. I deduced that both comments had probably been left by a single male who was most likely a Muslim. In other words: “A Muslim Brother”.
I asked myself why had I been so offended by these comments. Why was I allowing myself to give them so much of my time, thought and energy? Especially at a time when I was already feeling weak and resorting to daytime naps in order to have sufficient physical energy to fulfil, in the very least: the minimal prayers for each day. Why was I so upset? Allowing something like this to eat into me.. a friend who could not resist told me one day: “taz, let it be like water off a duck’s back!” She made me laugh!
There are many reasons why I was upset:
Initially it was the misogynist stench which I didn’t like.
The references to domestic violence were totally unacceptable. I mean totally. Speak to a woman whose husband has beaten her and told her she is the ugliest individual alive, and you will come to realise how demeaning it is. How it destroys the soul and leaves the spirit to bleed: heart is pumping blood, all vital signs are in check – but there is a corpse in clothing: breathing just because those breaths have been written by Him who Writes it all.
Yes I do know such women, and how dare someone poke fun of what they go through. Shame on whoever speaks such ill.
And to want for your fellow human, your sister-in-faith to get a “good bashing” from her husband? Are these my fellow believers well-wishing me a future of peace and prosperity? Are these their supplications for me when I enter the sacred institution of marriage? Whoever mutilated the saying:
“None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”
‘Brother’ equating to ‘fellow human’.
I thought:
Am I not someone’s child or sibling?
Do I not belong to the ‘big family’?
For those of you who read The Noble Man From Zaytuna did you understand what the station of a Teacher is?
Did you sense the station of a
A Guide?
A Torch?
Did you sense within it the sentiments a child echoes to a parent?
If you didn’t see a daughter’s love for a someone whom she honours alongside her father then I feel sorry for you.
Did you ever get the impression of someone who is desperately trying to save people he doesn’t know from falling into a pit? Someone who stretches his hands out, reaching for them when they have hit rock-bottom?
A man determined to switch on the light so they can see their surroundings and all that exists beyond their tiny world?
One of the comments left on the post so rightly said the following:
“Just can't imagine how garbage my life would have been had he not come into it.”
So many of us know that our lives would have been precisely that: garbage, crap, trash, rubbish and a total waste-heap had it not been for the gentleness of this gentleman, and the nobility of this humble teacher. Yet we are so determined not to acknowledge him as a blessing?
It wasn’t until about a month ago whilst reviewing last summer’s Rihla course notes that I came across the following saying of the Prophet Alaislam that my thoughts about this whole Comments affair took a new twist:
A desert Arab came to the Messenger and said:
”You kiss children, we don’t kiss them.”
The Prophet said:
“Can I prevent Allah from extracting the Mercy from your heart?”
My thoughts now turned to the states we are in. I recalled a recent phone-call from a well-wisher who had said:
“we don’t know the states that we ourselves are in.”
I really felt the weight of this.
I thought how awful it must be to have mercy extracted, taken away, removed from one’s heart.
How very sad.
To live without this emotional treasure.
Finally, I gathered my thoughts and tears: all Praises to the Guide for teaching me through this fine Hadith. I realised that deep down I felt sorry for the individual who had posted the two nasty comments. I mean really really sorry.
I felt grateful to God Almighty for bringing me to this understanding and showing me through a series of emotional hurdles, the importance of addressing why we feel the way we do.
When we are upset about something, we need to carefully examine where that sadness stems from?
Why are we upset?
Which part of us feels the hurt or the offence?
Is it our ego which feels the pain?
Or is it a wound much deep within?
Where are we really hurting?
If we live our life based upon the principles of faith, then we shouldn’t forget that there is a Day of Accounts to follow. None of us would want any other to be at a loss on that Day.
I end by saying something that I have thought about many times: that if it was possible and permissible to transfer one’s remaining years over to another human being, then He Knows best that I would choose the Noble Man from Zaytuna to transfer them over to.
I still hold firm to the 5 reasons I gave for writing the piece in the first place.
Labels: Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, Zaytuna
words continue here
Sunday, June 03, 2007
My New Prayer Beans
Yes,Finally after searching far and wide, high and low I found them.
Lima Beans are perfect for anyone who has stiffness in their finger joints. I've found them much better than chick peas, kidney beans or date stones.
A great, economical aswell as an ergonomical method to maintain focus and concentration whilst one recites in desire to remember their Lord.
It's been an interesting time for my prayer beads: these two years. I was given a huge tasbih [string of beads] in M
edina 4 years ago by a street merchant who insisted I take it.I did.
And for the next couple of years I used those beads to make pronouncements of the remembrance of God Almighty.
However upon the onset of my pain, one of the first things that was inconceivable was moving the beads along the string. It was impossible to do. And so my beads took a back-seat whilst I began to count on my fingers. Over this period people brought me prayer beads as gifts; unfortunately of little use to me: even if they are expensive and made from the best source. The last time I was able to easily use what the merchant from Medina gave me was last year whilst in Pakistan.
It has become so difficult and frustrating to use prayer beads due to the repetitive nature of the movement one makes with their thumb and index finger. Sometimes I find myself watching in bemusement at others moving their beads through the string with a great sense of awe.
I have even been very kindly offered prayer beads by individuals in circles where people are using them to make dhikr. And I have had to refuse.
I feel a little strange at times. Prayer beads have almost become a symbol in many of our circles: of people diligently detaching themselves from their surroundings to remember their Lord Most High.Individuals directing their energies to a higher purpose whilst appearing to be present in a normal, regular crowd.
They continue to remember their vicegerency upon this earth as their thumb rolls yet another bead.
In this world they are; but on a plane beyond the reach of our imaginations.
They are connected so quickly to their Adamic state; their celestial covenant; their rich heavanly oath. Their origin is shown to them so instantaneously through the magic of what they invocate.
What a feeling it must be to detach oneself so easily just by use of these beads?Man is in dire need to channel his energies in a direction which will empower him. This channelling needs to be done in a manner that correctly honours his status in the universe and with his Creator. Invocating to God Almighty is an act of great humility yet it enables the individual to grow in a unique kind of confidence. An assurance that he has not been left alone to deal with life and the many obstacles, dilemmas or scenarios it introduces in his way. Situations that warrant a response from him that he may not feel able to carry out without becoming confused. This newly-gained confidence allows man then, to reach elevation and deal with the aforementioned incidences quite naturally. He no longer feels that he is suspended in mid-air, but instead, he gains a grounding necessary for his survival on this earthly realm.
A sort of grounding embedded in an aura of conviction that the gentle words which fall from his tongue are, in fact reaching Heavan, and that through their invocation his heart will once again feel the peace and tranquility that naturally belongs within it.For we mustn't forget:
"..Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest"
Quran: 13:28
Labels: invocation, Pain, prayer beads
words continue here
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Paining in the Rain
As I look back at the month of May I find myself recalling a month f
ull of wet, wet, wet weather!Rheumatic Rain!
Rain which brought with it many angels
yet also a deep parable for me:
to think,
reflect,
explore
and immerse me into.
The many weeks of damp weather brought out the pain in the elbows, hands and
wrists. There is no real pattern for the pain, it comes and goes as it pleases - but the rain does make it worse than in dry and sunny climate.It's very interesting to know that the Rain which God Almighty sends gives 'life'. Rain is a blessing when it soaks the dry land with its' essence and brings sustenance to whole communities through its' graceful properties. On the other hand we know that too much rain is a cause for distress when floods threaten life and existence.
For myself then, rain proved to be a powerful lesson.
It was as if the raindrops were droplets of ink: falling onto the papered earth to write a message for me. The puddles akin to paragraphs of wisdom: trying their best to dictate an instruction; a something I should learn.
"But my endevours are fruitless!" I cried.
"I do not understand the language of the rain!"
Tradition teaches us that rain is one of the best of times to pray in. It is indeed a time for angelic ambience.
Tradition also teaches us that the sick are surrounded by the angels. Sickness is viewed as a process of purification and one of the means by which closeness to God Almighty is achieved.
I pondered on awhile...
The pain continued to persist.
My eyes wandered;
glaring at the skies and then returning to experience the momentary sensations:
like light music playing in the background whilst I went about my irregularities each day.
I guess it's like having a spot on your face which is 'just there' and although your life doesn't stop for it: it does occaisionally remind you of it's presence.
Slowly I began to realise the language of these tiny raindrops.
Rain comes and washes away all that existed before it -
these moments of stiffness that I feel may also wipe away the many mistakes and sins I have accumulated?
I realise that the rain does indeed give life by the Permission of God Almighty,
but if today this very same rain is giving me sensations of pain - then that too must be to give me 'eventual' life by His Permission?
That if these raindrops were being carried so mercifully by those angelic creations which we cannot see,
then the twitchings which waken me from sleep during the early hours must also be accompanied mercifully by those angelic beings?
Do I tell the world that I am a student of the rain?
Do I tell the world that this pain is my teacher?
I stop for a moment.
"I am sure the whole world was designed to teach me?" I ask myself.
"But I have just been able to recognise two of His Great Signs?"
How many more of His Great Signs must be littered in this vast creation of His?
Becoming overwhelmed.
I feel the presence of these tears tonight.
Wipe them away. It is almost 1am.
"My Lord.."
I begin a prayer -
My Lord,
Give me the ability to recognise Your Signs in my life.
This life is a gift from You,
And at times I value not this precious treasure,
So give me Signs that help me to continuously cherish this fortune which You have honoured me with.
Ameen.
Good Night.
Peace & Prayers
x x x x x x
Read also: Rain
words continue here
Monday, April 23, 2007
The Noble Man From Zaytuna
Back in June of last year I was thinking about life, purpose, meaning and the way everything evolves.My mind drifted from person to place to event, and in the midst of a melancholic hullabaloo I landed myself thinking about the ‘Noble Man from Zaytuna’.
I sat and recalled the many times this man had inspired me. I counted my blessings to know that I would be setting off onto the Rihla and have the great opportunity to learn from someone whom I’ve respected for many years. Shaykh Hamza Yusuf has touched the lives of many, in numerous remarkable ways. I am just one of the scores whom he has inspired and motivated in a positive way towards goodness.
The aim of this write-up has been a combination of:
1. to thank our blessed teacher for impacting my life in a way which has allowed my spirit to grow through happy and sad times
2. to tell you: my readers, that God Almighty works in the most Miraculous ways and that we should start to recognise the miracles that are happening around us all daily
3. to acknowledge that I am a blessed individual and although there may be much that I may not have; I have much to be happy about. I have an awful lot to cherish from the bounties that He has sent this way. Living in the same time as this Noble Man is just one blessing that I have bothered to count; there must be so so many more blessings that I haven’t even began to acknowledge
4. I think it is important for us to look at the way in which our scholars and guides have impacted in our lives. And I wanted to at least attempt this with one individual before I depart from this world. We should all remember the many favours of those around us and steer clear of forgetfulness. Even if we don't write down how God Almighty brought these noble guides into our life; we should at least set aside some time to reflect what life would have been like, had we not been introduced to these individuals?
5. to remind myself that I am part of Bani Adam as he says.
These are a few things which I wanted to share.. excuse the writing style but life is spontaneous and short.. and here is a man to whom I owe almost a decade worth..
"It is 1997, I am at university.
I am mesmerised by the voice of this one
American individual living in Santa Clara. I have brought his tapes and borrowed some from the Islamic Society Library. He is on TV on the ‘Muslim’ slot on one of the stations. Everyone seems to be talking about him. He is just awesome.His words repeat themselves in my ears and I think he talks sense.
We start our Islamic Society newsletter and the editor chooses to end his introduction by his words. I make tape recordings of all his talks and keep them.
It is 1998*, he is visiting my city. I am too sick to go. My friend tells me he was wearing his white combats and walked past her and her husbands’ stall.
Wow, I sigh.
It is 1999, the sun is trying it’s best to pierce the chill of an Autumn morning, I am listening to “Educating The Muslim Child” by him. I have an interview later this morning at a Muslim School. His words make me a tad bit more confident.
I get the job.
The years are passing...I am becoming somewhat ‘detached’ from the Muslims in my community as I focus on my ‘self-discovery’ mission.
Who, what and how am I?
The opportunities are endless; I am learning new skills and building the foundations of a stable teaching career.
I am seeing success everywhere.
He is in my country I hear.
I can’t go to visit him.
My travels have become limited: I am a sufferer of migraines.
I miss out on the opportunities to hear him live.
This saddens me.
‘But I have his recordings’ I tell myself.
It is February 2003 and I have now done my Hajj.
The year ends and I spot him on the cover of a glossy magazine.
It is 2004, I make new friends. I give them his recordings because I know they will like him. They too, are in love with him.
It is February 2005 and I am in pain.I am told to purchase a CD entitled: ‘17 Benefits of Trials and Tribulations’ with the advice: “Share it with others”.
I do.
It is Monday 2nd May 2005.
I am in the Wembley Conference Centre and I see him for the first time. He is full of hope, mercy and compassion.
I am in awe.
I purchase the CD set of ‘Purification of the Heart’ by him.
Soonafter I purchase a copy of his book by the same title: I open the book to see his signature inside. My world!
I start to follow his words from the CD as I flick through the book – my concentration levels are on the all-low.
It is mid-September and he comes to my city at last! I feel so graced.
Myself and my friend intend to go to listen to his next talk tomorrow at another city – but I have a migraine accompanied by an erratic tummy; I am unsettled all night. My friend’s nephew is in hospital. We both miss the opportunity to listen to him again.
A week has passed and I receive something in the post.
It is a copy of ‘The Content of Character’ translated by him.
A kind soul narrated to him that we were meant to come but couldn’t make it and thus I receive a signed copy with my name in it too! I am soo happy – I can’t believe how lucky I am.
It is still Autumn 2005 and my hands are still in pain.
I have mail from a well wisher.
I open the envelope to find a tiny piece of cloth that was used to clean the Kabah by him. He must be such an honourable man to have cleaned the Kabah I begin to think.
It is February 2006 and I will be flying away for 2 months in a week or so time. He is in the UK again.. and this time with his teacher.
My friend and myself drive up north one cold and rainy evening and see him and his teacher as they pass before us.
My, my, we are just a metre away from him.
He looks so radiant.
God bless him always, I take that image away with me to Pakistan.
It is March 2006 and I am in Pakistan.
I am finding it difficult to understand people. I read the ‘Purification of the Heart’ and my difficulties subside.
It is June 2006 and I have been accepted onto the Rihla – where he will be teaching!!!
I am so blessed I think I will soon go mad.
It is August 2006, I am in the lift at the hotel in Jeddah.
I am fretting and running late for my lesson.
I don’t want that to happen and to dishonour the teacher. The lift should be going down – but what is this: it starts to go up to the fifth floor!
Oh my goodness!
I am sure to get late now!
I see someone with a cream coloured apparel walk in.
Oh my world!
It is him!
I finally have the opportunity to say Salam to him.
I am not late for my class afterall - I arrive the same time as my dear teacher.
And here I end.. for now.."
I know our dear teacher does not descend from the line of the final Prophet Alaislam – but through him I have been reminded on numerous occasions that we are the Children of Adam. Sadly, we live in a chaotic world where it is all too easy to forget that our common Father was a Prophet. I believe it is therefore very important that we embody the concept of Bani Adam as brought to us by our beloved teacher Shaykh Hamza Yusuf. And I thank God Almighty for making me live in the same age as this great Inspirator.
* - I think this is accurate.
All images are taken from the Zaytuna Website.
Labels: Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, Zaytuna
words continue here
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Tranquilarty Thoughts on Mentoring
On Coach down South
Historically man has been surrounded by mentors; advisors and guides to assist, help, support, direct or point him whenever the need has arisen.
As you are aware, I carefully avoid writing about definitions and this piece is no different. It is not about training courses or dictionary definitions - that's for you to do. This is a little something about us as mentors.
Whether we choose to be or not, we do become mentors somewhere along the vast journey of life. We will meet others in need just like some met us in need - and we will continue the centuries old tradition of mentoring. Sometimes in the most novel of ways. We may not acknowledge ourselves as mentors; but for sure we mentor in varying degrees throughout the course of life.
The young girl who helps the newcomer settle into class at junior school..
The teenager who suggests his mate should get appropriate help for his substance
misuse..The one who phones her everyday to ensure she hasn't given up altogether..
The one who texts him daily to remind him he has a Lord who loves him..
The one who is there to listen to her complaints, as she complains about her inability to work any faster towards her goal..
And the one who listens without imposing his views -
And the one who continues to throw the ball back into her court -
And the one who works effortlessly to empower him -
And the one who encourages her to continue towards her goal -
And the one who demonstrates empathy,
impartiality
& and an attitude of sincere concern.
We become these throughout life and take on the role of mentors.
Like others I do believe that the Path has many obstacles and hindrances which at times may cause a slip, trip or fall. But I also believe that God Almighty sends people throughout ou
r travels on the Path. These people 'appear' and help us.Sometimes they help us in acknowledging that we have obstacles and then leave us.
Sometimes they help us recognise and identify what these obstacles are.
Sometimes they help us remove these obstacles out of the way.
And sometimes they work with us to put into place plans or mechanisms for dealing with the obstacles, should we re-discover them later on in the way.
The Prophets [peace upon them all] demonstrated this.
Prophetic spirit helped man acknowledge, recognise and remove the obstacles that stood in his way to being the earthly ambassador that he was meant to be. The cultivation of future mechanisms to dealing with obstacles provided a springboard from which the growth of man occurred.
Through following the Prophetic footsteps the tools in dealing with these obstacles are aquired. When our path crosses with the ones who have these tools - we are not only assisted by the
power of those tools but also gifted some of the magic of the tools. In this way, once the one who came to assist us has left, we continue to use the tools to assist others....and like before sometimes we use these tools to merely help someone acknowledge the existence of obstacles and other times it extends to the identification and recognition of them. And other times still, we assist by the Permission of God Almighty in the [safe] removal of them altogether and so forth.
The cycle of helpers continues.
Now let us think about those helpers; guides, advisors and mentors who came into our lives and reflect upon what obstacles they helped us deal with and at what stage. What would our lives have been like had we continued unaided? How have we been saved simply through one thing our mentor taught us? Seldom do we stop to count the number of mentors our Lord Most High sent us.
And if we wish to do real justice to our mentors then let us pick up the tools they left us with and share the magic with others. For some of us have locked away the tool in a treasure-chest somewhere.
There is no time like now in opening the lock and lifting those treasures..
.. for everyday our paths are crossing with those faced with obstacles.
This was a pre-reading for the long-awaited post on the Chalice which I am still writing!
words continue here
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Rabi al-Awal 1428
Here ya go [click image for large view]
18.49 on Tuesday 20th March 2007 captured on my mobile fone :-)
Who came and disturbed me?
Was it you dear moon...
I was resting
"Wake up sis xxx"
she said.
How neatly timed.
Wishing everyone a blessed month.
I pray we all drink from the blessed hands of our beloved Prophet Peace Be Upon Him ..
Ameen.
Yours
Bint-eh-Adam
x x x
words continue here
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Two years later
…Tranquilart is resting…
It was 2 years ago that my first sicknote ever was issued: Monday 21st February 2005.
I was recently informed that one of the greatest teachers Imam Al Haddad had a fever for 14 years which nobody was aware of.
I know a lot of you have been in touch and I do ask to be forgiven for not being able to reply to your emails in the spirit that I would want to. I have been busy with additional tasks which has meant that I am more tired these days. I know I must continue to do these additional tasks for my spiritual, social and physical wellbeing. However, they have meant that I am only able to commit to one big ‘activity’ per day in order that I am refreshed for the next. Napping regularly and ensuring there are a few days in the week when I don’t do much are helping me ensure I have sufficient energy for the varying tasks.
Living on a budget with energy means that some days I have more energy than other days. I know that today I may do 4 tasks but that tomorrow there is no guarantee of getting beyond task 1. I am slowly beginning to live for each day. I have realised that there is nobody to complain to except Him who created the situation we find ourselves in, in the first place.
It is slowly bringing me right down to my knees – and I hear that that is the best place to be. Perhaps the work I started on the concept of Submission almost 16 months ago is finally beginning to reveal itself to me? Perhaps it is true: that the reason why we wish to believe in the ‘Magic Wand Theory’ is because we have an incorrect or incomplete understanding of Submission. Here is the last entry I made in my private journal about this:
6th February 2007
Magic Wand doesn’t exist.
The inexistence of it means that Submission is the form in which our energies should be exerted to address the situations in which we require or think we require the Magic Wand i.e. use Submission as the Magic Wand but remember the magic is slow.. although it is effective.
As I said before I do intend to do an Update. Some thoughts on the Chalice:
Be like the Chalice,
For all to take,
Their share from you –
For you too will take from them.
I love you all for the sake of the Creator and for our common Father Adam Alaislam and hold you all dear to me in thoughts and prayer.
Peace & Prayers
Bint-eh Adam x x x
words continue here
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Caravan to Tranquilart
Assalamu alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu,
Dearest ONE!!!!!!
May you and yours be RADIANT in the purest of SNOW!!!!! Oh how wonderful!
Me....mooching here with a fever and furnace throat and nasty nasty chest....but JUST HAD TO TURN this computer on and get this to you....have been meaning to connect for days...but....JUST pushed myself!!!! Have a giggle, that's me in the middle waving a huge loving Salam!!! to the Butterfly of Brum....but don't go out in the snow or your wings will be damaged!....JUST
Asalamu ala`ykum warahamtulah wabarakatuh,
Dear Sister Taslim,I am a total stranger to you ,but for the last couple of months I have been following your blog.And I love it.Your entry on the respected Sheikh Hamza Yusuf was splendid.It honestly made me cry , as I reflected on Allah`s immense mercy for guiding us with Scholars of the like of Sheikh Hamza.May Allah swt increase him in rank, blessings and health.
I feel upset at the comments that were made by the two users.However ,it is important to realise that we live in an age of ignorance.One frequently comes across "ignorant" and "awkward" remarks made against the most esteemed Scholars.Therefore I pray that "silly" comments left on your blog don`t sadden you.
Keep up the good work.
I look forward to "The Noble Man from Zaytuna Part 2" and Part 3 as well. :)
May Allah swt bless you with health and a long life.Insha`Allah.
wasalam
yasmeen
Sunday, June 24, 2007 5:02:00 PM